Gambling Attitudes Annoy Me

Still on Gambling. In the last post did I give the impression that I believe gambling is a waste of money? If so, then I certainly gave the wrong impression of how I view money. If so, I am annoyed at myself.

Money is a servant to be used to achieve an end. The amount of money that can be manifested in the universe is infinite (although he amount any individual holds may be very limited). So I don’t believe I could ever say it can be wasted – maybe put to a better use depending on your values, but not wasted. Accessing the infinite supply is often a problem for people – but that is off this topic and is addressed in my other blogs.

I want to be clear. It is not the spending of money on gambling that annoys me; rather it is the attitude and values that go with the spending. Of course, this is a value judgment on my part; one with which I am comfortable. I feel justified in making those judgments when I see children going without proper nutrition (sometimes hungry), proper clothing, activities for growth and development, adequate school equipment and even without the company and supervision of parents just so the parents can gamble. I feel justified in making those judgments about gambling when the gambler steals money from elderly sick parents to support the gambling habit. I feel justified in making those judgments when I see the gamblers (or their families) whining and begging for medical supplies, transportation, food and even help with their children because their money (and time) is used for their gambling addiction.

I am annoyed at the selfish attitude of these people – not their expenditure of money. The expenditure flows from the attitude. It is a well accepted principle that action follows attitudes and beliefs and not the other way around. The money is a tool whose use allows these people to fulfill their selfish needs. And that is what they do. The focus of these gambling addicts is not to provide a healthy environment for their family to grow; their focus is to provide a quick fix for their own selfish needs and it seems they will go to any lengths to do so. The money is the means by which they act out their attitudes and beliefs and satisfy their own self focused cravings to the exclusion of all others (except the casino owners and governments). That should be annoying to everybody.

I know I am quite rigid in my approach to these gambling addicts and their selfish activities. I am content with my approach. I wouldn’t care if the gambling addict’s addiction affected nobody except the gambler. But that is never the case. At some point the gambler seeks someone to pick up the pieces behind him. And then he expects everybody to be there to help him and to ignore how he caused his own situation. In our society, we do that – we do pick up the pieces. Our compassion allows the gambler to destroy himself and his family and then we give him all the benefits that other citizens get and treat him like nothing has happened. Is that right?

Gambling - Money Wasted

OK. The time has come to rant about the thing that annoys me the most – gambling. Casinos, bingo, slot machines, card tables – how they love to take your money. I do NOT support gambling but I live in the midst of a bunch of gambling addicts. The eternal dream; the hope of getting a big windfall is an elusive lure that keeps the owners very rich.

Things I have seen with gambling that have really annoyed (and saddened) me include:
1) People pleading for financial help to purchase prescribed medications and then being seen playing the slot machines at the casino.
2) People complaining that the welfare money they receive is not sufficient to support their family. They must use food banks, second hand clothing stores and live in the worst conditions. True – welfare rates do not provide the dignity of life that all people should enjoy. But many of the parents receiving welfare are seen at bingo halls and casinos after welfare day. It is a commonly discussed fact that the halls are busier at that particular time of the month. Where are the priorities? If the little welfare that is provided is squandered, where is the right to complain about the low quality of life that results?
3) Relatives standing in my kitchen saying they have no money to send overseas to their hungry relatives – and then leaving for the bingo hall and / or casino.
4) A person scooping all the money from her parents account to gamble at the casino. The elderly frail parents, who were out of the country at the time, had entrusted this adult child with their bank card so money could be sent to them as required. The return of the elderly parents was then delayed due to the lack of funds. Due to the over extended stay, their medical coverage and eligibility for continued social security programs was lost. The casino owner got his money.
5) A family breaks up with devastating results. The wife gambled away all savings and ran up huge gambling debts. The family home had to be sold to pay the debts. A separation followed (partly engineered by the adult children to protect their father) and the wife was left alone and devastated. The lure of the big winnings at the casino paid off well that time! The casino owner got his money.
6) A wife nearly running a business into the ground because of gambling. She looked after the financial management of the company while the husband did the hands on management. Unknown to him, she set up separate accounts and charge cards and ran up huge gambling debts. The husband found out by accident – he intercepted a call intended for her from a creditor seeking payment. The successful company nearly fell to the bricks because of gambling and the wife did hit the bricks. The husband escorted her to the door.

Oprah has had many sad gambling stories on her program. Every community where gambling exists has these sad stories. In the community where I live, a brand new bingo with slots is nearing completion. The casino (same owner) is increasing its space for slots – all to accommodate the people who love to donate their money to him.

Don’t get me wrong. If you have surplus funds to spend on gambling, that is fine. But the key word is “surplus” so that you are not relying on others to make up your shortfall or are not causing others to suffer because of your habit. If your children must suffer or go without because of your gambling, the gambling money is not surplus. If you or your children must go without medical or dental care because you need money for gambling, the money is not surplus. If your children must wear secondhand clothing and be ridiculed by other children so you can have money for gambling, the money is not surplus. If your children eat macaroni and cheese or yukdonalds rather than a healthy balanced diet so you can have money for gambling, the money is not surplus. If the gambling causes a rift between you and your partner, the money is not surplus. If you must steal the money from elderly parents or otherwise, the money is not surplus. Get the idea?

People suffer because of gambling. Who is to blame? Is it the government who allows gambling to exist and grow because it receives revenues from it? Is it the owner of the gambling establishments who is solely profit motivated? Is it the individual gambler who squanders away the money? Or is the responsibility shared?

People need to take responsibility for their own actions. Some people accept shifting the blame to the government or to the owner. However, it is the individual gambler who makes the decision to donate his money to gambling. The owners wish to elevate their lifestyle by taking your money. Nothing wrong with a solid business plan – even if it is to take the money of the poor and create social ills. Their business plan will fail if the customers, ie the gamblers, do not donate their money.

It is up to each individual. You choose – but you have no right to expect others to pick up the pieces after you when you voluntarily give your money away. You do have a responsibility to you children to give them the best start in life possible. Think of how you are helping your children as you press the button on the slot machine. Sit down and explain to them the great benefit you are giving them. Since gambling is so great, all parents who gamble have a responsibility to make sure their children are well versed in gambling so they can lead the same lifestyle. If it is great for you, it must also be great for your children!

One final comment – call it like it is. It is gambling. Some people I know refer going to the casino as going to school, going to the university or going for lessons. Doing that does not give gambling any more validity. It simply shows that these people don’t feel good about their addiction so they try to hide it or make a joke of it.

Anxiety Thing # 5 - Children and Obesity

Previous annoyances have discussed parents forcing children to smoke and parents contributing to children being at risk by not enforcing seat belt rules. This annoyance will continue with the parent / child theme.

Obesity and junk food. Obesity and lack of exercise. Obesity and children. Obesity causes diseases. There is sufficient advertising and information spread about to ensure every parent is aware of the connection between obesity and disease.

It causes me enough anxiety when adults drive themselves to medical disaster with their chosen lifestyle habits; the consumption of junk food being a major component of that drive. As the drive nears the medical disaster destination, the “rescue me” starts.

“I need to see my doctor. Give me drugs. Make me better. How could this happen to me? My great great aunt four times removed had a similar disease so it must run in the family. Give me my pills and let’s go to yukdonanlds. Grab that bag of cheezies on the way out . .. and, oh, and better take a bottle of soda for the drive.”

No wonder our children are obese. Parents just don’t care. They are so self focused. There is no way parents cannot be aware of the information about diet and disease; about the effect junk food has on our children; about the effect lack of exercise has on children’s health and about the escalating childhood disease rate in diseases such as diabetes. Unless the parents happen to be hermits – not many of those in this age of booming communication technology.

These parents tend to blame everybody except themselves. They blame the manufacturer for making the product available – The junk food product wouldn’t be available for long if nobody bought it. They blame the advertising – of course children want what they are told is good. They even blame the children – he wanted it or I had to give it to him to keep him quiet. And there are the parents who use the rationale that “he was so good, I had to give him a treat”. These parents need to learn that a treat every day of the week or several times a day is no longer a treat. It’s greasing the slide to early medical disaster.

There may be one positive note in all of this – if the parent is scoffing down the great amounts of the junk food herself, then by giving it to the child, she does not have to explain to the child why she can have it but not the child. And yes, some parents do hide the junk food in the house so they can eat it when the children are asleep.

I wonder if some parents actually believe they are being good parents by contributing to the onset of childhood diseases by stuffing their children with garbage. Or are they just too lazy or too self focused on their own lives to even care. I know that many parents would scream at me for this perspective – but I believe the screaming would only prove my point. Screaming would move the focus from what the issue really is. I also believe that actions speak louder than words – you can scream all you want but if the child is being primed for disease via junk food, you are filling the role. I also believe that mistreating your child in this fashion should be grounds for child abuse.

So what is your relationship with your child’s diet? How much responsibility are you willing to take when your child comes down with a lifestyle induced disease?

Anxiety Thing # 4 - Children and Seatbelts

My last anxiety producer had to do with kids being forced to smoke. This one has to do with kids not being forced to do something - wear seatbelts in a car. Many of the comments on the last post apply to this senseless behavior of parents as well. What are they trying to show – that they don’t believe the statistics about accidents and severity of injuries without seatbelts? Or are they trying to show the children that they love them so much that they will let them bounce around the vehicle as they wish – and even bounce out of the vehicle in the event of an accident. Do these parents not have the ability to envision the child as a projectile going out the front window at whatever the speed the vehicle was traveling and then hitting the next stationary object – building, rock, tree, river lake – you get the drift, right?

Some parents just don’t seem to realize that they are charged with a heavy responsibility – the protection of their children. True – total protection of a child at all times is pretty much impossible. But there are times when it is not only possible but easy to accomplish and, in many jurisdictions, mandated by law. To not protect your children at all times possible is just stupid – especially in a vehicle going 50, 70, 90, 100 km per hour or more. Remember that every person in the vehicle is traveling the same speed as the vehicle and if the vehicle has a sudden stop anything not constrained in the vehicle keeps going. To subject your children to this is just ignorant.

What does the parent teach a child by not insisting on seatbelts? That we are above the law and it is not to be obeyed? That the law of physics does not apply to us? That the statistics lie or do not apply to us? Let’s just have fun and ignore safety (safety is for sissies?)? We are being told what to do?

Then see these parents in the Emergency Room following an accident and listen to them grieve for their child who was severely injured or killed because no seat belt was worn. Listen to them seek sympathy and blame the child who “would not wear the seat belt”. Or listen to them blame themselves for not insisting the seat belt be worn. Kind of late for that!

Like smoking, I believe that parents who refuse to force their children to wear seat belts should be investigated for child abuse. If they disregard the safety of their children in this instance, where else might they be doing the same.

Safety of children is paramount. If you are not going to provide good care for a child, don’t have any. They are not toys. They need to learn safe ways of facing life and they depend on their parents for that teaching.

So, come on parents! Seatbelts are tested and proven to help in times of accident or quick stops. Stand up to your responsibility. Teach your children safety so that they will teach your grandchildren. Keep them safe so that you may enjoy them as they grow up and they remember you as a parent who cared.

Anxiety Thing # 3 - Children an Forced Smoking

Parents who force their children to smoke really bug me. At least once per day I see parents driving in their car smoking while their children sit in the back seat. It is bad enough that these parents care so little about their own health; it is bad enough that they care so little about being alive and healthy so they can enjoy their children as adults and their grandchildren. But to care so little about their children as to force them to smoke is disgraceful. It should be grounds for child abuse charges.

It is not as if the parents don’t know about the damage caused by smoking. Television, radio, newspaper and magazine ads all shout out the diseases caused by smoking. There is nobody, especially not driving parents, so isolated as to not know of the ads. Even cigarette packages carry warnings. Is there anybody who doesn’t know of at least one person who is sick or who has died from a smoking related illness? What do these parents think the ads and warnings are about? Maybe they just don’t think!

The explanations that can be offered for this smoking behavior by parents are varied – lack of education, lack of knowledge, belief system, addiction, stress, others do it, it’s a social behavior and so on. These are all cop outs. This smoking behavior comes down to:
(1) arrogance – nobody is going to tell me what to do
(2) redneck perspectives – as above
(3) Lack of respect for the children
(4) Lack of concern for the children
(5) Being self-focused and selfish.

It all boils down to lack of love for the children. If you love your children are you going to force (not allow) them to breathe in poisonous smoke – smoke that is proven to cause heart attacks, respiratory problems and cancer. What a great gift to force the child that you love to have!

So come on parents – teach your children to smoke; force them to smoke; make sure they grow up as smokers; make sure they will suffer from cancer, respiratory problems and heart problems. Show your children how much you love them.

Every smoker can stop smoking if he wishes to. The key is wanting to stop. There are many stop smoking programs but none of them will work if the smoker does not want to stop. Understand that the tobacco companies do not want you to stop - they love it when you light up and the more children you convince to smoke the better they like it. So you decide - support the tobacco companies or support your children. I don't believe you can do both.

Anxiety Thing #2 - Shopping

I am not a person who fells much anxiety; I'm pretty low key and accepting of most anything. But shopping and anxiety - weren't they made for each other?

Today is Sunday which, for our family, is grocery shopping day. That brings me to the next activity which builds up anxiety for me. Shoppers who stand in the long line at the checkout, watch the shoppers in front of them go through, watch the cashier ring in her groceries and only open up her purse when she is given the total. In this case I say "she" because inevitably it is a woman. And then she digs and digs and digs - membership card, if one is required - and then the exact change. To the corner of that purse under the keys, the kleenex, the pills, the slips of paper with notes, the receipts for the last 3 years of shopping - for that last needed penny for exact change. "Just a minute, I know I've got a penny here someplace". I can't count the times when that last penny was found only to be short of exact change and then she uses the debit card or charge card. Did she think she was not going to have to pay? (I went to all the trouble of getting those groceries and you still want me to pay?) What is wrong with getting the money out while waiting in line? What is wrong with speeding up the process, especially when there are ten people behind you waiting for that last found penny to fall on the floor and have to be retrieved? Come on folks - it's not rocket science - you have to pay so get the money out. Consider those in line behind you.

Hand in hand with this are those who view the grocery shopping trip as the weekly outing with the cashier being the tour guide. There are times I care and times I don't care. On Sunday morning as I am standing in line with a 4 liter jug of milk, I don't care if Aunt Sally's slipped disc is acting up again - especially if I don't know Aunt Sally or Aunt Sally's neice (who is telling the story as she is digging for that last penny in the lower left hand corner of her purse - only to have it fall and roll across the floor - before giving in and using the debit card). In this case there more men than in the first scenario. It is like these people save up their weekly talking until they get to the cashier and then the verbal floodgates open and it all comes gushing out - every last boring detail. Maybe grocery stores should open a social line for those talkers. Or maybe they could install signs like the fast check out signs. So instead of "10 items or less" it could be "10 short sentences or less" or "cash register powers down on your 21st word". Or maybe the stores could provide visitor booths where the socialites could sit across from one another and bore each other into silence with their Aunt Sally stories.

In any case, I just want to get my 4 liter jug of milk and get out. No more shopping anxiety.

Anxiety Thing # 1 -Tim Hortons Drivethrus

As I have travelled across this country, the one trait common to all cities and towns is Tim Horton's with their drivethru. It is not that the drivethru promotes laziness by allowing people to get their sugar fix without even having to move out of their vehicles that I find to be anxiety producing. It is not that the drivethru is given preference in service over the walk in customers that I find to be an annoying thing. The annoying thing is that there are, waiting to get into the drivethru, lines of cars and trucks on both sides of the street that, in some cases, effectively block traffic and, in all cases, provide a traffic hazard. I find it difficult to believe that City Councils and the RCMP (or Municipal Police forces) allow this hazard to exist. But I guess it is business providing tax money and the police are big customers of Tim Horton's. Each morning, as I bike to work, I need to go through the maze of trucks that are lined up at one of these outlets (the reason that most of these guys own pickups will probably be the subject of a later annoyance). Traffic is at a standstill because the street is blocked by these sugar craving condom drivers. And it is always anxiety producing! You can see the anxiety and anger in the faces of the drivers who are caught.

Things That Annoy Me

As I go through life I keep coming across little things that annoy me; things that other people do; habits that other people have; sounds that are irritating - things that cause me to laugh at myself for being annoyed after I have a chance to think about them. I thought I'd start writing them down. My goal is to post one a day (sort of like "an apple a day keeps the doctor away"). I might be surprised at the final tally and result. If I get too annoyed with this process, I will just delete the blog. Now isn't that a sense of power for there is no possibility of deleting the people that do annoying things. In those cases, my only option is to walk away. If this becomes an annoying thing, I can press the delete button. Let's see how many annoying things me I come up with.